hellew guys! how's everyone? haven't posted for quite sometime.. well just to stir things up i'd like to share a marathon joke i read while browsing online! -;-; We work out too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathon. He always talks about this runner's high. But he has to go 26 miles
for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a
flight of stairs. -;-;
hahaha.lol. perhaps you can also share some running/marathon jokes here!!
Confusion Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."
Rigged Contest Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex." "Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven." "Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant. The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number. "Two!" said the second guy. "Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again." As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged." "No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."
Naked On The Porch A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said,"Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game
of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were
crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to
rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had
the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play,
the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5
yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who
stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him
for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where
were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede,
"I was having my ankles taped." ______________________ http://reseller.name
Two atoms are walking down the street and
they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I
lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear
about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He
wanted to transcend dental medication! ___________________ http://reseller.name
Three golfers, Jesus, Moses and an old man, get to the 18th tee. It’s all tied. All three have the same score.
Jesus’ second shot goes into the water and lands on a rock. He walks
on the water out to the ball and hits it within a foot of the hole.
Moses` second shot also goes into the water and sinks. He parts the water and then hits his ball within a foot of the hole.
The old man also hits his second shot into the water, but it lands
on a water lilly. A frog comes out of the water and takes the ball.
Just then a bird swoops down and grabs the frog and carries him, with
the ball, right over the 18th hole where the frog drops the ball right
into the cup.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I really hate playing with your Dad.”
A
preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice
his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to
buy one.
On the way, he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He
stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him. The
preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the
house. The two went to look at the lawn mower.
The engine sputtered a bit at idle, but the preacher increased the
speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower
would do the job, they settled on a price of $25.00.
Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he saw
the preacher pulling on the starter rope again and again. The kid
stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, “What’s wrong?”
The reply came, “I can’t get this mower started. Do you know how?”
The kid said, “Yep. Sometimes you just have to cuss it.”
The preacher rose up indignantly. “Now you listen here. I am a
preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I’ve forgotten how
to do it after all these years.”
With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said,
“Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope — as hot as it is — and I
guaranty it’ll all come back to you.”
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